So you thought I had writer's block?

I didn't. While all of you have been languishing for want of a blog post from me, and wondering if I was alive, I have been secretly writing for The NRI. And I got published! Click on the underlined text for the post: Coaching class mania

And yes, I do have delusions of grandeur.

For all of you who don't click on random underlined links without sufficient reason, here's the teaser: As education in schools deteriorates, a silent new player is taking over the industry sans regulation.

Exciting, eh? No? It doesn't matter, no one's yet put a cap on the number of links you can click in a day. So, go ahead and click. (And also read and comment if you feel like it.)

What makes your life interesting?

Maybe it is because colleges are reopening shortly and I have done nothing at all of any consequence during the holidays, but I'm thinking a lot about whether my time on earth has been, will be, worth anything.

When one thinks about what makes one's life interesting, one usually remembers one particular habit, achievement, memory or person. What if that habit, achievement, memory or person did not exist? Would your life still be interesting? Would it, for example, make a fascinating, or at least inspirational, book? Have you any funny or thrilling anecdotes to one day tell your grandchildren? Could you rival How I Met Your Mother?

Philantrophy is a possible answer. I remember attending this Philosophy lecture where we all agreed that one good deed done everyday can make the world a better place to live in. It can also make your life a more eligible topic for conversation.

Image source: http://www.crestock.com/

My world

Falling

Colliding

Vapourising: invisible

Ten million stars

And trying to catch them all.

Stupid

Sometimes I wonder

If my life is a dream

And everything I value

I am making up

Hallucinating.

Sometimes I fear

that I will wake up

Realise there was nothing

Or worse, that the dream will continue

Ceaselessly.

I know I'm tiresome when I get all wondery. I know all this sentimental nonsense is making you want to bury your computer in an unmarked grave and forget the location. But I can't help it. Bear with me.

Madness

If I remember correctly (and I am too lazy to get up, open the book and check, so forgive me if I have got this all twisted) Osho said something about Picasso being a horrid painter because he vomited out all is madness into his paintings and therefore the paintings were madness personified. I am mentioning this because this blog post is going to run on similar lines: I am going to write everything I feel right now, and I am going to feel better after writing this. Writing a candid diary is no use because you never can be sure it won't be read; and if you have to be cryptic, you might as well make your writings public. So that is my justification for this piece, and in any case, the reader is strongly advised not to read further.

I feel vulnerable, like I am rope-walking, and if I am not careful, I might fall any moment. Don't you have this feeling sometimes that you have narrowly avoided disasters, and if you let your guard down for the tiniest amount of time, you might ruin everything you have? Like not being able to feel carefree, ever?

I know I have friends; I know I am loved. Yet I feel I am very close to dependence, or am already there. I am wondering what happened to the whole detachment philosophy I have been living under for so long. Will there be things that will be so frightening that they will make my life meaningless? I know it is within me to remain independent, mentally, not to need anyone to keep sane. But what if it all changes?

That's it, those are all the bad things I am feeling. The good things are that my life is a lot better than I ever thought it would be, but naturally, I want it to be still better. I see a very good future ahead, and lots of smiles, and lots of fun, not to mention success.

Life is good. Now.

The Waiting is Like Water

The water
Is ever-moving, flowing
Breathing life
Into a river.
Looked at from miles away
By an impassive eye,
The water is still
And the river is still
Like movement is unreal,
Stilled
And the waiting is like water.

The rock
Is steadfast, immobile
Giving shape
To the river.
Looked at from a broader spectrum of time
By a knowing eye,
The rock is moving.
It is being eroded
By the water
And hope is like the rock
And the waiting is like water.

Yet the water cannot be stilled
Unless I am impassive
And the rock cannot be eroded
Unless I know
Therefore
I choose to be impassive
And I choose not to know.

Magic Cauldrons

If I talk about fantasy (punning's really not my thing, so you can stop saying, "Aha! I knew she wasn't Little-Miss-Innocent!) anymore, I risk being called an obsessed, repetitive keyboard-wielder who thinks she can type meaningful sentences. So I'm talking about magic. Magic cauldrons, to be precise. Containers in which you can add eye of eel, scale of dragon, liver of frog and fingernail of rat, stir it a bit, and hey! Here's Conglomeration of Success, which you can drink up at leisure and strut around town with your head held high and without a care in the world, except maybe the nagging question of which publisher you would honour with the manuscript of your autobiography.

Or maybe you could throw in hair of maggot, colony of plasmodium with a dash of decayed spring onion, shake the whole thing and gulp it down to be fully hit with the effects of Draught of Don't-Give-A-Damn. Following which you can smile at disapproving looks, dismissively nod at betrayal and ignore attempts made to make you famous as 'The Girl Who Never Stopped Crying."

However, magical cauldrons do not exist. Which is why imagination is so important. One must imagine one is drinking up Stir of Security or Potion of Peace or whatever it is that one wants. Whether you can actually feel the effects or not depends on how much you believe in your own magic (if you don't, drink Broth of Belief).

But do I much like the taste of eel-eyes? I don't know, never having tasted something so revolting, and I'd rather not try. Ditto for rat fingernails and maggot hair and all the rest of the trash. I don't even like to imagine the taste. I'd much rather stay miserable, oh yes. Alternatively, I could get the success for myself and stop caring myself. I don't need a cauldron. I have my own, and it's called people. I get this odd feeling of everything being all right with the world when I see people around me. The best part is, people don't want spring onions, decayed or otherwise. They just want you to exist...and be happy. Essence of Happiness, anyone? Put in people, lots of love and care, and smile at everyone.

And the award goes to...

What do I do when I am bored sick of Troublesome Trigonometry and Quirky Quadratic Equations? When Loathsome Linear Equations and Creepy Co-ordinate Geometry make me want to renounce the world and try to attain Nirvana? Of course, I put down my books, but what after that? No, I don't wait for the Oscars or the Filmfare awards. I give out my own awards! One clarification: These awards are not being given out to people, so consider your hopes of getting the award for "My Classiest Friend" or something similar as already dashed. How I love being a spoilsport! These awards are for the best and worst lyrics of all time.

Category: Most strikingly noticeable
Winner: Saanjh Dhale (Suresh Wadkar)
It says: Jugnu ka pat odhe aayegi raat abhi
Nishigandha ke sur mein keh degi baat sabhi

Category: Closest to reality
Winner: Main Pal Do Pal ka Shayar Hoon (Kabhi Kabhie)
It says: Main pal do pal ka shayar hoon
Pal do pal meri kahaani hai
Pal do pal meri hasti
Pal do pal meri jawaani hai

Category: Weirdest (yet fun)
Winners: a) Paisa (De Dana Dan)
It says: Hai sona bangla car bhi soni aish bohot dil karta hai
Mujhe ek baat ki samajh na aaye dil tere pe kyun marta hai
Ab jaan nikaalegi tu meri kya niyat hai teri
Main baarish kar doon paise ki jo tu ho jaye meri

b) Dil Toh Bachcha Hai Ji
It says: Bewajah baaton pe
Aiwein gaur kare

Category: What every depressed person should be singing
Winner: Chor Bazaari (Love Aaj Kal)
It says: Dekhke mujhko hansta gaata
Sad gayi ye duniya sad gayi

Category: Most quoted on Facebook
Winner: Hey Ya! (karthik Calling Karthik)
It says: Tumhe kaise main bataun, kya main paa gaya hoon
Tum jo mere saath ho
Mujhko duniya mil gayi hai, zindagi badal gayi hai
Tum jo mere saath ho

Category: Divine
Winner: Jashn-e-Bahaara (Jodhaa Akbar)
It says: Mulaqaton mein hai jaise ghul si gayi tanhaai

Category: These rocked Tenth B
Winners: a) Jaane Tu Jaane Na
It says: Tera mujhse hai pehle ka naata koi
Yun hi nahin dil lubhaata koi
Jaane tu...ya jaane na
Maane tu...ya maane na

b)Pyaar Hua Iqraar Hua (Shri 420)
Pyaar hua iqrar Hua hai
Pyaar se phir kyun darta hai dil (courtesy Shailendra!)

Category: What Were They Thinking?!
Winner: Jhagde (Ishq Bector and Rakhi Sawant)
It says: Tera Dakku Daddy kade warrant
Teri mummy badi blunt
Utton tu vi mare current
Balliye

Jab tu mere ghar vi aandi
Meri maa se tu lad jaandi
Tu tho meri meri meri meri meri meri
Tu tho meri band bajandi