So you thought I had writer's block?

I didn't. While all of you have been languishing for want of a blog post from me, and wondering if I was alive, I have been secretly writing for The NRI. And I got published! Click on the underlined text for the post: Coaching class mania

And yes, I do have delusions of grandeur.

For all of you who don't click on random underlined links without sufficient reason, here's the teaser: As education in schools deteriorates, a silent new player is taking over the industry sans regulation.

Exciting, eh? No? It doesn't matter, no one's yet put a cap on the number of links you can click in a day. So, go ahead and click. (And also read and comment if you feel like it.)

My tryst with fiction

Here it is: I actually completed a piece of fiction that I’d started. It was supposed to be a story, but it turned out to be more of an experiment in very subtle magical realism than anything else. I posted the thing on Facebook, ready to brave all sorts of comments. This is what I got:

·        Better than Stephenie Meyer. Barely.

·        “Not so gud :/”

·        This isn’t fiction at all.

·        Hmm. Now check out this video.

Such lovely people. So why was my story/rambling/collection of words so strongly rejected? I have a clue. "But nothing much happens," a friend of mine intoned on the phone. This made me mad. "What does she mean nothing much happens, italicised no less?" I thought. I agree nothing much happens externally--the whole thing consists of a train ride and later, some tears; but aren't thoughts, memories, confusions and yearnings concrete incidents? Don't they usually affect the course of our lives more than "real" happenings? 

Or do people always expect extraordinary happenings and twists and morals in a story? Or am I unbelievably unimaginative?

Anyway, this episode taught me some things:

·        A little of what we hate is always present in ourselves.

·        I should have used fewer semicolons (like some writer said on his deathbed).

·        The people who encourage you are the people you are grateful to the most, because you are only human.

·        It is easy to criticise the writings of other people, and the ones who take the criticism seriously are the best of all. 

·        Never call your story Sunshine.

·        It doesn’t hurt much to dabble in things that are not your forte. 

Writer's Block

When It comes and It hits you
And you feel all but creative
And your outlets for expression are but few
That is when opportunity knocks.

And you drive her away
You ignore her, offend her
Half-wishing she would stay
And make your work easier.

But your elders were right
When you were a kid, they
Told you hardwork was might
Creation was never on your agenda then.

Then opportunity, the vile woman
Goads you, mocks you, teases you
And you'd very much like to run
Never have to think your way out of It.

Then you turn sly
You appease opportunity
Coerce her to ally
And churn out a poem.

Because it is laughably easy
And very satisfying
To rhyme a-b-a-c
And not sound too lame.

Stubborn Confusions

Anyone who's been reading this blog for a decent amount of time and thinks I am not a member of a group called Spelling and Grammar Nazis is a nitwit. I'm not even apologizing for my seeming lack of manners, I am so mad. I discovered there are still some things I am confused about, and I am actually thinking of announcing a reward for the person who clears my doubts (though whether it will be a used pair of slippers or my old, out of order keyboard remains to be decided).

First: Why is it Mother's Day and Teacher's Day and Father's Day? These are days for all mothers and all teachers and all fathers; shouldn't the apostrophe be after the 's'? Or not? Why not? (I'm pretty sure I have you stumped there)

Second: Is 'okay' an adverb? Or rather, can it be used as an adverb? "Did you get home okay?"--isn't there something terribly, terribly wrong that jars like a note out of tune? Or not? Maybe not. Then again, maybe.

Third: Why don't we get rid of the rule about split infinitives? Word's style check makes some of my sentences look awkward. Split infinitives are fine. Language evolves. Not that we should add LOL to the dictionary, though. Most people don't even bother to capitalise that.

That's all that's bothering me right now. I will remember something I have forgotten soon enough, (hey, what an ambiguous sentence; remember soon enough or forgotten soon enough?) and I will have to create a new post. Dash it.

And the award goes to...

What do I do when I am bored sick of Troublesome Trigonometry and Quirky Quadratic Equations? When Loathsome Linear Equations and Creepy Co-ordinate Geometry make me want to renounce the world and try to attain Nirvana? Of course, I put down my books, but what after that? No, I don't wait for the Oscars or the Filmfare awards. I give out my own awards! One clarification: These awards are not being given out to people, so consider your hopes of getting the award for "My Classiest Friend" or something similar as already dashed. How I love being a spoilsport! These awards are for the best and worst lyrics of all time.

Category: Most strikingly noticeable
Winner: Saanjh Dhale (Suresh Wadkar)
It says: Jugnu ka pat odhe aayegi raat abhi
Nishigandha ke sur mein keh degi baat sabhi

Category: Closest to reality
Winner: Main Pal Do Pal ka Shayar Hoon (Kabhi Kabhie)
It says: Main pal do pal ka shayar hoon
Pal do pal meri kahaani hai
Pal do pal meri hasti
Pal do pal meri jawaani hai

Category: Weirdest (yet fun)
Winners: a) Paisa (De Dana Dan)
It says: Hai sona bangla car bhi soni aish bohot dil karta hai
Mujhe ek baat ki samajh na aaye dil tere pe kyun marta hai
Ab jaan nikaalegi tu meri kya niyat hai teri
Main baarish kar doon paise ki jo tu ho jaye meri

b) Dil Toh Bachcha Hai Ji
It says: Bewajah baaton pe
Aiwein gaur kare

Category: What every depressed person should be singing
Winner: Chor Bazaari (Love Aaj Kal)
It says: Dekhke mujhko hansta gaata
Sad gayi ye duniya sad gayi

Category: Most quoted on Facebook
Winner: Hey Ya! (karthik Calling Karthik)
It says: Tumhe kaise main bataun, kya main paa gaya hoon
Tum jo mere saath ho
Mujhko duniya mil gayi hai, zindagi badal gayi hai
Tum jo mere saath ho

Category: Divine
Winner: Jashn-e-Bahaara (Jodhaa Akbar)
It says: Mulaqaton mein hai jaise ghul si gayi tanhaai

Category: These rocked Tenth B
Winners: a) Jaane Tu Jaane Na
It says: Tera mujhse hai pehle ka naata koi
Yun hi nahin dil lubhaata koi
Jaane tu...ya jaane na
Maane tu...ya maane na

b)Pyaar Hua Iqraar Hua (Shri 420)
Pyaar hua iqrar Hua hai
Pyaar se phir kyun darta hai dil (courtesy Shailendra!)

Category: What Were They Thinking?!
Winner: Jhagde (Ishq Bector and Rakhi Sawant)
It says: Tera Dakku Daddy kade warrant
Teri mummy badi blunt
Utton tu vi mare current
Balliye

Jab tu mere ghar vi aandi
Meri maa se tu lad jaandi
Tu tho meri meri meri meri meri meri
Tu tho meri band bajandi